My Very First Tattoo

So I've been wanting a tattoo for nearly two years. When I was in college, everyone started getting them, it was the new trend. Which I thought was stupid, because fashions change, and that thing inked on your skin forever won't be cool in a month or so. Therefore, I didn't get one in college. I knew I wouldn't get a tattoo for the same reason everyone else was, and I definitely knew I wouldn't get a similar design (mainly because I thought all the 'fashionable' ones were exactly the same and a tattoo should set you apart) but I daren't risk it. I was only seventeen/eighteen and far too immature to make the right decision.

After I left college, not so long ago, I was far too broke to even consider having one. Instead, I lounged around doodling what I might want. I tried saving up for one once, but that went down the drain when I wasn't a hundred percent sure on what I wanted. This was the difficult part for me.

I know a lot of people just go and point their finger at a picture in the tattoo parlor's book, saying that's the one they want because it looks the best. Me, I opted for the more personal approach. I wanted something that means something to me. Something that I'll look at in twenty years' time and won't regret a single drop of ink. Something that has a message, one that I won't forget and will stay in my mind all those years.

So there I had it - a phoenix. My name is derived from Anastasia, which means 'she will rise again,' brings you onto the thought train of phoenixes, no? I think they're cool mythological beasts anyway, Fawkes from Harry Potter is pretty awesome, so that made a good mix. It's linked to my name, looks darn cool, and has a meaningful message: always rise again. No matter how many times you fall down or get pushed to the ground, always get back up and carry on fighting.

I don't know about you, but I'm one of those people who fall down quite a lot. Both literally and figuratively. I have a history of people pushing me back and keeping me in my little place on the ground. I fought hard to rise above them, yet it didn't stop. I doubt it ever will. Sometimes people find it hard to believe in me, and when it's those people I care about the most, it hurts and makes me want to give up. But then I think, this is what I want. Why should I do what they think is best when I know this is right? Still, I don't have a lot of confidence in myself so other people's confidence in me is a big help. I can't do very many things on my own, so it's hard for me to get back on my feet.

This on my stomach is a reminder that it isn't impossible. I've done it before and I can bloody well do it again. I will never regret this tattoo like a lot of people regret theirs, because in twenty years' time, there will be someone trying to push me down, and I'll look at my tattoo, and I'll remember that I can and will fight. This phoenix will rise from her ashes, even if she has to do it alone.

So if you get a tattoo, try and think beyond the image, just for kicks. You never know, it might help. It did for me, I was originally going to get a bumblebee!